I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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