You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
We smell like vodka and hangover
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