The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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