Sry I called you an 8
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
