The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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