Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Randomize
