My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
