There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
