Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
