my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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