just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
