I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
