Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
