Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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