Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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