i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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