a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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