I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
