Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i will never coherently bang her
This house was built for laser tag.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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