I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
