We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
