if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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