you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
