My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
