everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
