It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
