Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
