I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
