I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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