no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Someone came in the potted fern
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
