Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
