I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
