We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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