I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
