Your face is a jimmy john
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
