is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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