I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize