I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The power of my boobs compel you
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
