just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
