Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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