Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We're too hungover to prance.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
