Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
