Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
