Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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