Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
