Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
