I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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