Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
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