Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
