there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
