u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
