I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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