i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
