Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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