i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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