you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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