then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
