You're so nebulous sometimes
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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