Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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