I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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