I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize