Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Never underestimate the power of titties
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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