I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
