I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
