Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
