This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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