She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
