WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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