her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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