I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize