i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Randomize
