the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
