i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize