Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
