So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
