i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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