My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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